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We have all heard the horror stories about driving tests, driving examiners, quota's, pass rates and the differences between Monday mornings and Friday afternoons! In the office it has often been joked that someone should really put a book together about our job as so much of it is so bizarre! Here are some of the funny, the stupid and the down right unbelievable tales from the passenger seat!
The people. People do the strangest things on driving test. I had a girl on test this week, and in the course of her drive we had a bit of a chat - when we were stuck in a traffic queue. I said 'So what would you normally be doing today?' 'Oh I work in a record label - WHAT DO YOU DO?' to which I replied 'I am an airline pilot'. She ' wow thats amazing.... an amazingly stupid question I just asked!!' I just nodded. There was a Chinese girl who claimed to speak hardly any english. She failed on her reverse park. Then on the way back to the test centre, completely out of the blue 'Ahhh.. you are so sensual.... mmm. Can I try it again?' lol completely out the blue and caught me totally off guard! I just blushed. Then Mrs H... 62 years old. We had a smash on test, a head on in a bend. Was a tad painful and both cars were written off. Totally her fault. After we were all out and she in an ambulance all she could say to the Paramedics was 'Ask him if I have failed!' The public are funny too. We had an old woman randomly get into the back of the school car - we stopped to do a reverse and she jumped in thinking we were a taxi!
As for the standard of driving - I have been in crashes, into both moving and stationary targets, people have bashed into us. I have been the wrong way up one way streets, the wrong way round roundabouts and even on the wrong side of a motorway against the biggest traffic signs and then argued about me being unfair! (I say have been, but we stop them before they do any real damage). I have had someone stop on a level crossing when the alarm started going off. Imagine the BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP of a level crossing alarm then the customer slamming on the brakes thinking she has to stop immediately in the middle of the tracks! Think of the panic whilst calmly saying - no keep going. Just quickly and safely move off again. No dont stall. Now restart the CAR... please in the name of god just f***ing MOVE there is a train coming. We of course must remain calm at all times.
Or the time on an LGV training area, we shared with an army base (they used it as a helipad). The base commander called me in. 'Now, I know you are using the area today, but the SAS are due to come and jump out of their helicopter. If they do, while you are testing, hold this card up to the helicopter. It was 4 bits of A4 paper, laminated and taped together. When opened out to show the heli pilots it just had in big bold letters '**** OFF'. They came. I did. They went. I love my job!!
The people. People do the strangest things on driving test. I had a girl on test this week, and in the course of her drive we had a bit of a chat - when we were stuck in a traffic queue. I said 'So what would you normally be doing today?' 'Oh I work in a record label - WHAT DO YOU DO?' to which I replied 'I am an airline pilot'. She ' wow thats amazing.... an amazingly stupid question I just asked!!' I just nodded. There was a Chinese girl who claimed to speak hardly any english. She failed on her reverse park. Then on the way back to the test centre, completely out of the blue 'Ahhh.. you are so sensual.... mmm. Can I try it again?' lol completely out the blue and caught me totally off guard! I just blushed. Then Mrs H... 62 years old. We had a smash on test, a head on in a bend. Was a tad painful and both cars were written off. Totally her fault. After we were all out and she in an ambulance all she could say to the Paramedics was 'Ask him if I have failed!' The public are funny too. We had an old woman randomly get into the back of the school car - we stopped to do a reverse and she jumped in thinking we were a taxi!
As for the standard of driving - I have been in crashes, into both moving and stationary targets, people have bashed into us. I have been the wrong way up one way streets, the wrong way round roundabouts and even on the wrong side of a motorway against the biggest traffic signs and then argued about me being unfair! (I say have been, but we stop them before they do any real damage). I have had someone stop on a level crossing when the alarm started going off. Imagine the BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP of a level crossing alarm then the customer slamming on the brakes thinking she has to stop immediately in the middle of the tracks! Think of the panic whilst calmly saying - no keep going. Just quickly and safely move off again. No dont stall. Now restart the CAR... please in the name of god just f***ing MOVE there is a train coming. We of course must remain calm at all times.
Or the time on an LGV training area, we shared with an army base (they used it as a helipad). The base commander called me in. 'Now, I know you are using the area today, but the SAS are due to come and jump out of their helicopter. If they do, while you are testing, hold this card up to the helicopter. It was 4 bits of A4 paper, laminated and taped together. When opened out to show the heli pilots it just had in big bold letters '**** OFF'. They came. I did. They went. I love my job!!
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